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Tom Sunnergren

First Drafts of Well Known Aphorisms

by Tom Sunnergren on

  • If you’re fighting somebody who’s got fire, you better get some too if you wanna beat them.
  • If you don’t succeed at first, practice a lot, then try harder the second time.
  • When life gives you lemons, cut some up and put them into a pie or something. If life gives you a whole lot of lemons sell them to a grocer and use the money to buy yourself something nice.
  • Give till it hurts…and then stop. Once it starts to hurt that’s the sign you should call it a day.
  • Time heals all wounds. Except for ones having to do with the spinal cord.
  • That which does not destroy us makes us stronger. Except for ones having to do with the spinal cord.
  • Smile, it’s contagious. Not as much so as polio, but still.
  • The pen is mightier than the sword in any scenario involving a laser pen that can shoot lasers out of it, or one that can explode like in a James Bond movie.
  • With great power comes great responsibility. With average power comes an ’04 Jetta.
  • All men are created equal, with a few obvious exceptions.
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Tom Sunnergren

Tom Sunnergren

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Footsie

My boyfriend and I had started sleeping together, but hadn't been doing so for too long. We were still getting to know how kinky the other one was. So one night after hanging out he went to go get ready for bed I went and laid down in his bed naked, pretending to be asleep. I heard the door creak open, heard him walk quietly up to the foot of them bed, and begin slowly and... Read More » sensually licking my foot. I froze, completely repulsed and unsure how to react. I turned around to face him, and explain that I just wasn't ever going to be into that sort of thing, and could this even work out? . . .only to find his roommate's pitbull wagging her tail and licking away and my oblivious boyfriend still in the bathroom.