Laundry Room Etiquette

Ah, laundry day. Sitting in the cramped laundry room, the smell of sweaty gym clothes and party stained shirts and pants invading your nostrils, lint floating in the air, underwear and dryer sheets covering the floor. If you have not yet had the experience of doing your laundry in a public laundry mat, the day is surely approaching; sooner or later you’re going to run out of underwear (and you can only wear the same pair so many times before you HAVE to wash them). Laundry day can be quite the bummer, but here are a few rules and tips that will surely make the experience slightly less painful and boring:

1) It is certainly OK to make fun of guys who don’t know how to do laundry, because hey, it’s just funny. On the other hand, if a cute girl is confused, you are obligated to both step in and help her AND get her number.

2) To call dibs on a machine, find one that has the least amount of time left on its current wash and set your detergent down on top of the machine to mark your territory. If there is already detergent on the machine, find the current user of the machine and ask if it is theirs, and if it is then you can verbally call dibs to this person.

3) If all machines are being used, you may remove clothes from a machine that is done if the person has not claimed his/her clothes within 10 minutes of the machine being finished. It is not acceptable to steal girls panties while removing their clothes, you sick-o

4) You definitely don’t want to be folding your clothes next to a hot girl only to find that you are folding a skid mark stained pair of nut huggers. These and related items should automatically be placed back into your laundry bag and out of view.

5) I don’t care if you are watching the newest DVD of Reno 911 on your laptop, don’t draw attention to yourself by laughing really loud while exclaiming, “Racist comments are hilarious!”

6) If you are ugly, you have reserved hours to be in the laundry room; 1am-6am. The rest of the time is reserved so that us good lookin’ folks can talk to one another about up coming parties and fun social events that you aren’t allowed to be at.

7) Please don’t be talking on the phone to your boyfriend/girlfriend at another college and say things like “I miss you so much baby”, or “No, I love you more!” No one wants to hear that crap, so just save that for when you have ichat sex in your dorm room later.

As long as your follow Laundry Room Etiquette, your experience will be at least a little bit more pleasant, and you can even pull a few digits if you play your cards right.

By: Paul Duncan