What You're Getting Into

by Jake Hurwitz on October 23, 2006

Sometimes when you’re having sex after a long night of drinking you start to wonder what you might be getting yourself into. Is this chick as hot as she seemed in the dim lights of the bar? Is she on the pill? Is she going to get all creepy after? Well here are a few ways to discern the differences between one night stands and relationships

One Night Stand :: Relationship

You are drunk	You are sober
It is past midnight	It is still light outside
She’s gone when you wake up	She makes you Pop-Tarts in the morning. Then you have sex again.
She screams out things like, “Do me!” or “Harder!”	She whispers “I love you”
She brought her own condoms	She asks you what a condom is
She leaves a shirt, but never returns to get it	She steals one of your hoodies
She doesn’t Facebook you the next day	She Facebooks you, and your roommate

You both pass out afterwards	She changes into your boxers and t-shirt afterwards and then brushes her teeth, with your toothbrush
She calls out the name Roger. Your name isn’t Roger.	She yells out your first, middle and last name, as well as your street address
You fight over the covers all night before you go to sleep on your futon	You fight over the covers, go to sleep on your futon, and wake up with her next to you.
She doesn’t blow you	She sucks your balls…without even being asked.
The lights stay off	The lights are off, but she lights candles
You do positions like reverse cowboy, doggy-style, the chirping chicken and the undercooked meat boomerang	It’s missionary position the whole time and she tells you to “Go slow.”
You sleep with the condom on	You spoon
You find out she doesn’t go to your school	You make plans to move in with each other after college
You tell her you want to see her again	You tell her you’re not looking for a relationship