Same Words, Different Meanings

The same sentence can mean a bunch of different things depending on how old the person talking is. It’s true, just look below.

“Hold my beer for a second? I gotta run to the bathroom”
Freshman: I’m gonna puke.
Sophomore: I’m going to make myself puke.
Junior: I just saw this girl go in there and I want to talk to her on the way out.
Senior: I’ve got a lot of blow and I’m not sharing!
Alumni: Ooh, I think that fiber pill is kicking in.

“The girls at this party are all ugly.”
Freshman: None of these girls will talk to me.
Sophomore: I’m not drunk enough yet.
Junior: The girls at this party are very unattractive.
Senior: I’m not as confident in my ability to attract women since I lost the ability to see my feet.
Alumni: Jeez, I hope my daughter isn’t one of the ‘ugly girls’ in her grade, because judging by the girls who came to her birthday party, yikes…

“Dude, I’m fucked up!”
Freshman: I’ve had four beers.
Sophomore: I’ve had eight beers.
Junior: I lost track of how many beers I’ve had a long time ago.
Senior: Remember all that blow I had and wasn’t sharing? I did it.
Alumni: I troll Myspace trying to meet young men after my wife goes to sleep.

“I didn’t do so well on that test.”
Freshman: I got an 87
Sophomore: I got a 71
Junior: I got a 46
Senior: Looks like I’ll be sticking around for another year.
Alumni: I have prostate cancer.

“I’m tired, I think I’m gonna crash.”
Freshman: It’s 4:30 AM on a Tuesday and I’ve been up all night watching TV simply because I can.
Sophomore: It’s 1:45 AM on a Thursday and I’ve been drinking since 6:00 simply because I can.
Junior: It’s 1 AM on a Friday, the bars are too crowded and my usual hook up is visiting her friend in Maine.
Senior: It’s 11:30 PM and I’m getting sick of college.
Alumni: Maybe someone else should drive? I hate these out-of-town conferences. You think they’d spring for a Town Car or something.

“Yeah man, big things happening tonight.”
Freshman: I’m testing out my brand new Fake ID at a bar.
Sophomore: My roommate is out of town and I’ll be furiously masturbating all night!
Junior: I’m attending a large party where I will most likely have a good time.
Senior: I’m posting my resume to Monster.com and crossing my fingers.
Alumni: I’m closing on that great apartment I was telling you about! The one on Riverside, with the big windows, remember?

“I love you.”
Freshman: I’m attracted to you.
Sophomore: I’m horny.
Junior: I would be happy making a life with you.
Senior: I’m lonely.
Alumni: You’ll do.