Ok. You just woke up from a long night out on Halloween. You're hungover, your head hurts, you don't remember the girl you slept with the night before and a variety of other problems stare you in the face. Here's a quick fix to all of it.

Problem 1: Your hungover and your head hurts.
Solution 1: Drink more, eventually you won't feel anymore pain. Just keep doing this until you wake up with no hangover.

Problem 2: The girl you slept with wasn't on the pill and you didn't have the Trojan.
Solution 2: When she asks you what your name is because she too doesn't remember, give her your roommates name. It's his problem now.

Problem 3: You had sex on your roommate's bed and he knows [he was still on his computer when the deed was done].
Solution 3: Tell him that it's about time his bed saw some type of action other than his chronic masturbation. He'll be put to shame enough to forget about the bed.

Problem 4: You feel sharp-stinging pain while pissing the next morning.
Solution 4: Drink more… and hope the pain was your kidneys and liver seeking revenge for last night.

Problem 5: You passed out and got closely acquainted with a Sharpie. Your parents just called and outside your dorm on a surprise visit.
Solution 5: Tell them you got mugged by a pack of rabid first graders.

Problem 6: Turns out the girl you slept with was the girlfriend of the star linebacker on the football team and he's looking to kick some ass.
Solution 6: Remember, he has your roommate's name, so just open the door for him, get the Hell out, and claim no knowledge of anything that happened.

Problem 7: You took a piss on a frat house and they too want to kick your ass. To make it worse, they actually know who you are.
Solution 7: Tell them your made of beer.