Things You Still Have To Look Forward To

So this is it, another Halloween has come and gone, but you can’t dwell on the good times of the past, there are plenty of great things happening this semester for you to look forward to. See for yourself!

November 1st
You wake up covered in, hopefully, your own puke. You look over and you see a girl in smeared green facepaint sleeping next to you, a witch’s hat lies on the floor. You spend an hour scrubbing green face paint from your genitals. You step outside to find that all the girls have returned to wearing sweatpants and granny panties.

November 21st
You travel hours in crowded cars, buses, planes or trains to go home for a five day vacation where you have to tolerate your Grandpa’s stench, lie about your grades and see your girlfriend who you just cheated on with a girl in a witch costume.

November 22nd
You go to the family doctor. You think the girl in the witch costume may have given you something besides a green dick.

November 23rd
You tell your girlfriend she might have syphilis.

November 26th
You get back to school, back to your roommate’s horrible music, your history professors mustache, back to soggy dining hall fries, to parties with kicked kegs and fat chicks, to basic cable, shower sandals and coin operated laundry that your mom doesn’t do for you. Oh, and you left your phone charger at home.

December 7th
The Anniversary of Pearl Harbor

December 9th-18th
Finals!

December 19th
You go to return your books only to find out that there is a new edition to almost every text book you own. You sell your worthless books back for a whopping 15 dollars and head over to the school store. Looks like everyone in your family gets shot glasses for Christmas this year.