The Official Sexual To-Do List

-buttsex
-an asian girl
-a black girl
-an indian girl
-a british girl
-a jewish girl
-a latina girl
-any girl on her 18th birthday
-3 way (2 girls)
-twins
-a fat chick
-a hot teacher
-randy’s mom
-a girl dressed up like spiderman
-in a car
-in a pool…filled with dolphins…
-on the young woman’s parent’s bed
-at a concert
-on a bedfull of twizzlers licorice candy
-milehigh club
-in your room while your roomate is there
-in your room while your roomate is there awake
-in your room while your roomate is there filming
-on film
-repeatedly refer to the young woman as “daddy’s little piggie” and make oinking sounds during the act (throw in a few “this little piggie went to the market!!!” for good measure)
-once during every starwars movie (especially episode 1)
-while your dog is watching
-3 different girls in a day (without a 3 way or an orgy)
-an orgy
-in a vat of mayonase
-while playing halo
-at a drivethru
-at a drive in
-while driving
-when your about to blow your jam juice, tell her that your spider sense is tingling, and that spidey is about to shoot his web and capture doc oc. As your spermies are liberated, make the web shooter motion, with sound effects.
-while cooking a delicious meal

aaaannnndd…

-a virgin

As you can see, it looks like we’ve all got a work to do, so start slamming some skeets. If you finish this list before you die, I’m pretty sure you bypass heaven directly and go straight to whatever’s next.