"I just don't take good pictures"
This is the motto of every fatty and/or uggo out there. Cameras capture a moment in time, but somehow every picture taken of you "catches you at a bad time" or "gets you at the wrong angle." No. It's not the camera's fault, it's yours. Maybe if you went to the gym once in a while you wouldn't have to make excuses for why your ass looks big in that picture. Blame your parents for being ugly and making you look bad in that picture, not the lighting.
"I couldn't tell that she was fat/ugly/disfigured/a dude."
Yea right pal, who doesn't see who they make out with? There's no justifiable excuse for going hogging except in the most extreme of circumstances, such as a bet or if her vagina dispensed dollar bills. Everyone does it, ok? No need to get defensive about it, ya Nance.
"I guess I just had too much/not enough to eat beforehand."
Last night you had 15 Natty Lights, roughly 6 pulls of Goldschlager, and to top it off, some drink you created called the "Monster Mash" and strangely enough you ended up barfing. It couldn't have been the fact that you downed enough alcohol to kill a horse, you just didn't have the proper amount of food in your stomach. This excuse might have flown when you first started drinking, but nowadays if you hurl, the blame is squarely on you.
"She's just a tough teacher; no one could've gotten an A"
This is the classic excuse for poor grades. The professor is the reason you did poorly in the class, not the fact that you stayed up drinking Boone's Farm until 3 in the morning the night before the final. For God's sake man, it was a Spanish 1 class, and you took four years of it in high school!
"I've never not been able to get it up before" that's never happened to me. Sorry."
Can't get a boner? It's not because you didn't piss beforehand or because you're too drunk; you're just plain impotent. Loser.