The Fat Chick

My latest gripe is about something that serves as an annoyance to just about every guy that’s ever been to a party. The situation is usually always the same: you enter a party, get a beer, see a hot girl; you approach this girl in an attempt to spit game when all of the sudden, another girl gets in your way. She will usually say something like, “hey, I couldn’t help noticing that you were checking out my (hot) friend. She’s a really good friend of mine, and maybe I can talk to her for you.”

Now this exchange would appear to the untrained eye like some girl who is genuinely interested in your love life and wants to hook you up with her friend, but, readers, this is not the case. There is something that should be mentioned about this girl, this friendly girl – she is fat. She is the girl who goes out of her way to befriend every hot girl in the school, so that she herself can have a social life. This girl would, and should, not be given the time of day by any guy in his right mind – and this is appropriate because fat chicks have no souls and don’t have feeling. The thing that is infuriating about this fat chick is that she uses manipulation and deceit to con guys into giving her attention.

Another defining feature of the fat social climber is the camera. This girl will ALWAYS have a camera, and will always be taking picture of her hot friends. This girl is usually the one that has the most facebook photo albums out of any of your friends, although about 90% of the pictures are occupied by her fat body. When she puts up a new album everyone and their mother will know about it, thanks to the new Facebook news feed and the fact that she has 500 facebook friends.

Now, you might wonder what is wrong with a girl who is a little overweight helping you to score with hot girls, but the thing to be understood is that this girl is NOT helping you to score with hot girls. When she says, “maybe I can talk to her for you,” she is really saying, “I’m fat and I want attention, and I’m not going to allow you to come near my hot friend unless you are nice to me and people see you talking to me in public.”

Hot girls beware: fat chicks are NOT your friends. Sure, you might keep them around to feel better about yourself, since they will usually agree with anything you say and eat everything in sight, eliminating the chances of you over-eating; but these girls do not really care about you. All they care about is the attention they get from guys trying to get to YOU; they will take any guy that you reject, and most likely attempt to slip them a roofie.

At the party last night, I was feeling particularly observant, so I watched a fat girl in her native environment. She had two gorgeous friends from out of town visiting, and I watcher her pull this maneuver not once or twice, but three times. THREE poor guys had to deal with this wretched ball of lard and hair-spray.

Fat girls bring nothing to the table except low self-esteem and higher percentage of body fat. Hot girls, please stop being friends with these girls, and guys, keep fighting the good fight.