Sometimes it’s hard to gauge the relationship you have with your roommate. Does he like you, or does he loathe the very fiber of your being. Here’s a helpful table if you’re curious.
He tells you that you have an attractive family | You catch him masturbating to your little sister’s middle school picture |
He puts on his headphones when you are trying to study | He blares techno music all the time, and turns on a strobe light when you are trying to sleep |
He loans you his ti-83 when yours disappears | He won’t let you touch his calculator, which looks suspiciously like yours. |
He tells you all about his bio quiz, since he has the same class a few hours before you | He won’t talk to you about the bio quiz and when you ask why, he tries to stab you |
You share shower sandals | He always steals your shower sandals and returns them smelling of urine |
The two of you play Madden together for hours | He purposely broke your controller so you couldn’t embarrass his sorry ass anymore |
You guys went halvies on a futon | He threw up on your futon, on purpose |
You eat lunch together in the dining hall | He stole your meal card |
You guys drink together | He told the RA that your shot glasses aren’t just “decorative” |
You guys have the same taste in music | He’s in the marching band |
You watch all the same TV shows | He watches Hentai porn while you’re in the room |
He bought you a cup at a frat house | He told a frat guy that you jerk off to his girlfriend’s Facebook picture |
You know his favorite beer is Guinness | He drinks wine coolers |
He doesn’t let his alarm go off for more than 10 seconds | He watches you sleep |
He already came home with you one weekend | He called your mom a bitch, to her face |
You guys have a secret handshake | He jerks off to pictures of your sister in middle school, man |
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I've always been into environmental awareness! Also, sexiness.
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Your mom likes this list.
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