The War On Terror, In A College Student's Terms

Dave: Dude, Rick, wake up man!
Rick: Unhhh” what’s up?
D: Come on dude, get up! We’ve been attacked!
R: “ what are you talking about?
D: Remember those two kegs we had from last night? They’re gone man!
R: Are you fuckin’ serious?
D: Yea! Come downstairs and check out for yourself!
R: Oh what the fuck man? They’re gone! Who just takes two kegs like that?
D: Hey, remember that really tall creepy guy who was here last night? I’m thinking that maybe he had something to do with it. He seemed to have a lot of friends here last night for some reason.
R: Yea, I seem to remember him being really shady all night. Who was that guy?
D: I dunno man, but all his buddies live over at the house like three blocks away. Towel House I think it’s called.
R: Oh you mean that one house that fuckin roofied Samantha the other week? Those sons-of-bitches are always treating women like shit. Let’s go shake some shit up over there.
D: Well, let’s run it by our friends first. We can’t just be all gangbusters about it, we have to get some support first.
R: (Sigh) Ok pussy, let’s try it your way.
(Later that day)
D: Hey guys, we have some bad news. Turns out, some people stole two of our kegs last night. We don’t know who it was or exactly why they would do this to us, but they’re gone. We have some leads as to who it is, but we thought we should let you know first before doing anything drastic.
Mike: Wait, wait, wait” some people stole two kegs? Who would do that? Why would they do that? WHAT THE FUCK?! Let’s go kick some ass right fuckin now man.
Pete: Wait a minute Mike you fucktard, but do we even know who did it?
D: Remember that tall guy from last night? We’re pretty sure it was him, but we don’t exactly know who he is or where he lives.
R: He hangs out with those guys at Towel House, those weird guys who like, hate women and stuff.
M: I fucking HATE those guys! Let’s roll on them right now!
P: Ok, so we know that he hangs out with them, but are you sure he lives there? Let’s at least ask them first before we get innocent people involved in this and make us look like a bunch of douche bags, ok?
R: All right, well I’ll ask around to see if anyone knows who that guy is. And if you guys hear of anything about the guys at Towel House or about the kegs, let us know. We have to ask fast on this thing.
M: Let’s fuckin do it.

to be continued…