Dorm President Concession Speech

Well it looks like the Democrats have won the House and the Senate. Many a tough battle was fought on the national stage this past Tuesday. There were also some tough battles fought locally. The Tripper Hall Dorm Presidential Election, for instance, was rather rough. But after several hundred dollars spent on the campaign trail, Jeff Chang has won. Here is the concession speech from his opponent, Tracy Williams:

Dearest residents of Tripper Hall;

Well, what a ride it has been. When I started running for Tripper Hall president, two weeks ago, I had a simple dream—get premium cable in the common rooms. And though I am conceding to my opponent, Mr. Chang, I will still fight vigilantly until you can watch HBO and Showtime, whenever you want…unless someone is already watching something else.

My opponent, Mr. Chang, has promised free pizza at all floor meetings and I will make sure he sticks to his promise. If one floor meeting goes by without free pizza…well, there will be hell to pay.

I’d like to close by positing the question…why not me? Why didn’t you vote for me? I received ten votes, those ten most likely coming from my ten friends who live in Tripper (I would hope!) So why didn’t more of you vote for me? Is it because of my misguided plan to ban the vending machine? Or…is it because of the now infamous “abortion sandwich” speech? I again apologize and am seeking counseling for my alcohol dependency.

Anyways, I’ll go now. I’m pretty busy this semester anyways. I’ve been seeing this guy, and I think I’m going to double major.

Peace Out!

Tracy Williams