College Humor Political Analysis

So does anyone notice everyone has a sign in their yard with a name on it but you? What the hell is that all about and what is ‘voting’? Well, I looked into it and found out that there are people called politicians that pretty much control our country and we can actually pick them. I know what you’re thinking, how can anyone expect you to care about these politicians that care so little about you. Well I will make it simple, I have done some research in order to inform you of everything you need to know about politics.

First, let’s go over political parties. At first I was like, hell yea I love parties. I had a sweet new button down that I had been waiting to rock. Instead, I found that these political parties are just large groups of people that share political beliefs. You and I can even be part of these parties. Watch, it’s easy. Do you feel like a woman should have control over her body? Congratulations you huge vagina, you’re a Democrat A.K.A liberal and terrorist. How about this one; do you feel like ‘under God’ should be left in the Pledge of Allegiance? If so, you’re a Republican. See also conservative and racist. There are also people that call themselves moderates. Don’t be fooled, this is just a fancy word for ‘I don’t know what I am talking about’.

Now that you know what side of the fence you’re on, what’s next? Well it all matters what party you decide to attend.

If you found out above that you are a Democrat you should also look into becoming a vegetarian, driving a hybrid and making out with dudes. That is, if you’re a dude. Girls, get your friends together for a day at the liberal spa, or as those asshole Republicans call it, abortion clinic.

Republicans, in order to truly express how conservative you really are start basing every decision on money, tell everyone your decisions are based on the Bible and make fun of Michael J. Fox.

Alright, well that is it for now. Get out there and firmly establish yourself in your political party and join me next time when I help you find ‘fair and balanced’ news sources.