Tony DeRosa

Top 10 Signs You Rushed the Wrong Fraternity

10. If you go to your fraternity Facebook group, the related group “I ♥ Anime” appears on the side.

9. You were excited for a pong tournament at a brother’s house, but very surprised when he pulled out an Atari.

8. Your chapter proudly displays all of the D-List celebs who once were brothers at another school. Rob Schneider? Awesome…

7. The average weight of each girl in your sister sorority is more than your own

6. Your nick name is Goat Boner…and there’s a reason.

5. You got your own stash of roofies on bid day with the instructions to “use only in an emergency.”

4. You wake up in the hospital after pledge week…but you’re getting an enema from a nurse who is too embarrassed to tell you why.

3. Your brothers are less like brothers, and more like abusive step-fathers.

2. When people joke about the elephant walk, you can only muster a nervous half-chuckle.

1. You were an SAE pledge here this semester.

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A Christmas Larceny

I used to work for a chinese computer company that no longer exists; one Christmas Eve a man comes into the store right as we are closing and counting money and insists that we start up the Point of Sale system again and sell him the video card he reserved online. We tell him that the computers have been shut down and all the transactions of the day batched and sent to the... Read More » credit card vendor. He keeps telling us that it's already paid for etc. and we keep telling him we can't process any more transactions until the morning of Dec. 26th. He then takes out a revolver and makes us lay on the floor while he steals the cash drawers and takes off. Turns out he had in fact reserved the video card online and his full name, address and phone number were in the system along with his email address; i bet his New Year sucked.