Dear pygmygoat, The Guy Who Sold Me "Ninja Secrets of Invisibility" on Ebay,

I want my $1.99 Buy It Now money back and I want it Now” and shipping and handling. I was really looking forward to learning the secrets of invisibility with this book. I find it a testament to your dishonesty that this manual neither taught me proper invisibility nor did it come with as many of the advertised illustrations as I had hoped for.

Are you aware that your products are inferior? At first I thought it had to be me, but my little brother also tried the techniques described and now he thinks I can’t see him watch me poop. I don’t want him to look down on me for making the mistake of buying a faulty manual, so I’m not telling him I can see him.

I unfortunately decided to try out these techniques at the local 7-11. Serge certainly did not appreciate me coming in naked and leaving without paying for a bag of Hot Fries. Thank God he had the decency to say something before I headed over to the girls’ locker room at the local middle school. He is a saint for forgiving me for shooting his son in the eye with the Sherpa blowgun I purchased at an earlier date from your Ebay store, and I’m lucky he forgave me again.

Many things out of the book are poorly translated as well, at least I think so. I certainly hope Ashita Kim was not really suggesting, “Let joy loose flow bowels into crane.” While this does sound interesting, it is unfortunately illegal in my state of residence.

Pygmygoat, I give you two options. Give me back my money, or if you don’t want to you could give me credit on your Ebay store. I must admit I have admired your advertised jet pack and katana combo pack for quite some time.