TEENAGE JEW: I can’t. I have to wake up early Saturday morning and go to temple. I know, lame, right? But I heard there’s an even crazier party Saturday night.
TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: I can’t make it. I have to wake up early Sunday morning and go to church.
TEENAGE JEW: That’s too bad.
TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: I know. What a bummer.
TEENAGE JEW: Well, at least we’ll be able to hang out my Bar Mitzvah celebration next week. I should be a lot of fun.
TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: Not as much fun as my Confirmation party. There’s a DJ coming from the bad part of the city, and he’s bringing all the best rap music.
TEENAGE JEW: I’m getting a magician.
TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: My mom’s boyfriend will bring his dirt bike.
TEENAGE JEW: Forget it. I have to be home before Sundown, when the Sabbath starts. Can you give me a ride?
TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: Actually, I was planning to stop at the mall and buy a new Nativity scene for Christmas.
TEENAGE JEW: What?! But it’s the middle of August. Christmas isn’t for months.
TEENAGE CHRISTIAN: I also need another crucifix—to better worship my Lord. My glorious Lord.
iPhone Airplane Modes for Other Vehicles
15 Phrases You'll Hear During Finals Week, and What They Really Mean
The Internet Justice League
Pop-Up Notifications in Real Life
The 8 Kinds of Christmas Cards
TV Valentine's Day Cards
Yoga pants so tight, they've become a part of her.
Wow, I guess having 5 blades does make a difference.
"Things Stoners Haven't Turned into Bongs" -- The Shortest Book in the World
Journalists finally revealing some hard-to-face truths
Kate Upton blocks shot of a beautiful sunset
Roommate Contract: (1) I will make your life a living hell.
Ways to meet women if you're tired of being normal.
Fixed it!
The kind of sports you can expect to see on ESPN17
Oh good, my package came. I've got a big night ahead of me.
