Video Games No One Is Nostalgic For

We can’t get enough of Mario, Zelda, Pong…you know, the classics. But just because a video game is old doesn’t mean it’s good. Here are some old video games that no one is nostalgic for:

“¢Dragon’s Lair
Often called the most successful arcade game of all time, Dragon’s Lair is patently terrible. This horrid “video game” wasn’t even a video game at all. It was a cartoon that you paid money in an arcade to watch.

“¢Sewer Shark
Who else made the mistake of buying Sega CD? Then you’ll be one of the other 10 people who will recall this game, which came with the system. All I remember is that you piloted a ship that went in the sewer and a guy kept yelling “Oh! You’re tube steak!” every time you died.

“¢Bonk!
If you had the Turbo Graphics 16, you were either a millionaire or your uncle molested you and to make up for it went and bought you a Nintendo, but you already had a Nintendo, as well as a Sega, so you exchanged it for a Turbo Graphics 16. And Bonk! comes with the TG16. Weird how accurate I am, right?!

“¢Anything featuring Batman
Any video game featuring Batman is bad. But it’s not so bad that it’s good, like the ET game. Because then you’d be nostalgic for it. Just a nice even toned, Miller Lite sort of bad.

“¢Leisure Suit Larry
Too bad “sex” games didn’t take off. I’m sorry, did I say “too bad?” I meant, “it’s good.”

“¢Eternal Champions
“Mommy, why won’t they release Street Fighter for Genesis?” “I don’t know, Billy. But here…play Eternal Champions while you wait.” You get the idea. But also, the characters are like witches and lions and shit.

“¢Night Trap
Like Dragon’s Lair, but set in a slumber party. And, oh yeah, there’s rape.

“¢Jaws 3D
Liars. The game’s not 3D. It just comes with 3D glasses that do nothing.

“¢World Heroes
They must’ve assumed Capcom would stop making versions of Street Fighter 2 for the SNES after a while. WRONG!