People You Hate

People You Hate: The Campus Crusader

You’re innocently walking from your dorm to class, when suddenly
someone comes up to you. They look normal enough: White button down
shirt, red tie, black pants and shoes, and a big cross around their
neck. Yes, you are face to face with the campus crusaders.

“Jesus loves you,” he says as he hands you a little book. This thing
is no bigger than your cell phone, yet it has every book of the Bible,
with three different interpretations, and an introduction from his
pastor.

“What is this?” you ask. Wrong question.

“This is your life. This has all the answers to all of lifes most
conplex questions, brother.” Now you, being the smart ass that you
are, decide to challenge this statement, with a simple, “Oh really?
Can it tell me if I’ll hook up with that hot chick who sits in front of
me in Psych class and always wears her shirt a little too small so she
can show off that sexy tramp stamp of hers?”

At this, the campus crusader goes from kindly missionary to evangelical
exorcist. “Your sinful ways will land you a one way ticket to the
anals of hell! I tried to save you, but if you continue to reject our
lord Jesus Christ and have pre-marital intercourse with harlots, then
you will spend an eternity playing charades with Satan!”

You calmly try to reason with him. “Dude, it was just a joke…”

“Jesus hates jokes! Jesus hates tattoos! Jesus hates alcohol and
coffee! Jesus hates you!”

“I thought you told me that Jesus loves me…”

“Go to hell, sinner.”

The Campus Crusader: Almost as bad as showering without sandals.