The other day I came to a resounding conclusion: there are two types of people in the world (or America for that matter but I like to be egocentric in regards to my country so when I refer to the "world" I mean the United States of America), people who like Harry Potter and people who don't.

Think about it. Its genius. Setting aside the fact that there is a dualistic nature to this conclusion, that being that there is only two options to choose from anyways, like or dislike, it still makes a lot of sense. Hell, it makes about the most sense there is. Come on. What makes more sense, Toaster Strudels or this wonderful conclusion? ( p.s. no offense to those who enjoy the flaky crust and warm, white jizz…i mean frosting that you slather on top, I simply meant to make an obvious distinction). Yet I digress.

Sometimes one has to be cautious about approaching the sensitive and delicate topic of the boy who has some weird ass scar on his face and his wild, magical adventures. For example, in conversation one should not impulsively say, "O.M.G.! I looove Harry Potter," as one of my female comrades stated the other night. Because usually after hearing this proclamation said, another person will pipe up, "I hate Harry Potter, he's a fag," as one of my male cronies might say. Hypothetically of course.

Then an ensuing exchange of heated words occurs. "O.M.G.! How could you say that!? I hate you, Billy." Followed by an unexpected retort, "Well you're just a dumb girl. What do you know. It's plain and simple to me. Harry Potter is stupid and so are you. "

"Well Harry wouldn't be mean to me like you are, you big jerk-face." Female reply.

"That's because he's gayyy." Male rejoinder.

"He's not gay, he made out with that Asian chick." A combination of a calculated female response and my lack of knowledge about the series and character names.

"Well, that may be true but the book series sucks. Maybe it would be better if Harry slayed bitches, carried a badass gun and straight up shot Volderfuck in the face, smoked Marlborough reds, used his magic to play pranks on unsuspecting muggles, and rode a flaming, machine horse transformer that could fly. Maybe…" Another combination of a male response and my own earnest contemplations.

And that's just scenario I. Male vs. Female. This scenario may not always be the case though, considerng there are many fervent male fans. That would be a whole new can of worms:

Man1: "Yo, I hate Harry Potter, he's gay."

Man2: "Dude, I kind of like him and the book series. Its pretty addicting. Plus he's not gay. he made out with that Asian chick, right? Oh, and dude, you shouldn't be so derogatory with your name calling and also by the way you negatively address the gay community. Such a provincial mindset, dude."

Man1: "…Okay. Honestly, bra, I understood like three words outta that. 'Chick, Dude, and Gay.'"

Man2: Sorry dude. let me put it like this: You're a fucking retard, expand your horizans and open your mind alittle bit. Try something new like not being a dick and being respectful of other people's personal prefrences."

Man1: "Oh. haha, i get it now. You're gay. With Harry Potter?"

Man2: (sighs) "Yeah. And the Asian chick, too."

Sequence: Man vs. Man, complete.

So with these irrelevant, unimportant, and mildly entertaining-to-a-short-extent rantings complete, I leave you with a few thoughts on the matter. 1) Harry Potter, while appealing to only certain people, is not in fact gay. he made-out with that Asian chick. 2) Sit back and choose your side carefully, tell only certain people you like Harry or tell everyone. Just watch out. And lastly, Toaster Strudels are a weirder concept than a boy flying around on a broomstick. I mean you put white stuff on bread. Almost like Harry putting white stuff on the Asian chick. Too far? Only Dumbledore knows.