With turkey day fast approaching there are a few things to be done to ensure a good Thanksgiving

What to do for a successful freshman Thanksgiving:

1. Create facebook event for Thanksgiving – If you don't do this you will definitely have a shitty time because everyone knows that if it's not a facebook event for something it's gonna suck.

2. Create a facebook group for you and your friends about Thanksgiving – this is to get everyone excited so that when you go home for break everyone will be pscyhed – also – when everyone you didn't invite reads about it on their stalker feed it will remind them that they suck.

3. Look through facebook friends to figure out which of them you have actually seen or talked to since you went off to college. – Invite these people to facebook group and event, and then write on their walls and ask them if they are coming home for break because as a freshman you don't know what the word redundant means.

4. Call up long distance girlfriend – tell her that you love her and you can't wait to see her – if the girl you've been seeing at college calls while you're doing this tell your girlfriend your parents are calling and its something urgent and you'll call her right back – tell college girl that you'll be down in 5 minutes.

5. If #4 didn't apply because you were savvy enough to not try the long distance thing – Call high school (now ex) girlfriend(s) – ask them how they are doing and what they've been up to…wait 15 minutes while girl spills her heart out…tell her that you've been having a really great time at college and you really enjoyed talking to her – make date for when you get back to your hometown.

6. Pack your shit – say goodbyes to college friends – fly/drive home

7. If with long distance girlfriend, get past awkward finally-talking-in-person-after-talking-on-the-phone-for-the-last-couple-months -stage and hook up. – If you do this quickly you will be able to stay in denial together and carry over your long distance relationship until Christmas break. Speed is important because if you don't move to the hooking up you will have to sit down and talk in person. This will entail realizing that you are developing into two very different people and that your relationship will not work because the girl you hook up with at college is way more like you (especially if your g/f is still in high school). Now after you hook up you will feel guilty about #11

8. Call high school friends to party/drink/chill – you will gather in the usual spot, realize that everyone who went to college changed, feel sorry for everyone who didn't, (they will without a doubt be exactly the same as before and are probably still hanging out with high school kids). While gathered you will consume beverages, talk about how your school is better than everyone else's and go home. (if your school beat theirs at football – rub it in)

9. After gathering of friends, hook up with ex – or take ex out and then hook up – you really shouldn't have to do much work – your ex has just been 'liberated' by college and needs a self esteem boost after getting hazed by her sorority sisters and being a piece of meat for the frat boys.

10. Try to spend some time with your parents and tell them you love them. – Even if you are the worst child ever your parents still love and miss you. Hopefully you mean it but if it isn't you should do this step just because they paid for your lazy ass in high school and they are now paying for your tuition, food and rent. Savor this state of financial freedom.

11. Break up with long distance girlfriend if you haven't already – it's not working in the short term so why should you make her miserable. Let me break down the possible future outcomes of your relationship for you:
a. She's cheating on you
b. She's going to cheat on you
c. She won't cheat on you because she doesn't drink alcohol or is ugly. – you're definitely already cheating on her so just do her a favor and break it off.

12. Say goodbye to high school friends – don't worry you'll see them at Christmas in like 2 weeks

13. Fly back to school – don't do homework you had over break and don't start studying for finals – it's way too early – finals aren't for at least a couple weeks and being prepared is for nerds and losers. If you fail finals – no biggie – you have all of Christmas break to come up with an excuse…