I am not sure if i just made up a word, but if i did, call that son of a bitch Webster and have him add it to his dictionary, because drunkeness should definetly be a word.

After the exploits of certain individuals i know, i have decided to write a blog about the different styles and stages of being drunk, which is something i know most of you people have experienced.

The Solo Drunk: Alright, it is true that drinking by yourself, in some cold dark place is really really sad, but do not act like you have never had a drink by yourself. Sometimes you cannot help it, you have had a bad day at work, you had a bad experience with someone close to you, or you only work 6 months out of the year fighting fires with the Lassen HotShots and you are really bored in your parents house (it's jealousy Mike, just jealousy). Whatever your reason, you have decided that you need a drink and you need it now. So you crack open the bottle of olde grand-dad, you put on the lost 45's and you sip away your pain. There is no shame in it.

The Sneaky Drunk: You told everyone that would listen to you that you were not gonna drink tonight. You have way to much to do tomorrow and you cannot afford to be hungover. You were doing good to, until the fellas dropped by with the 30 pack of CL smooth. But you resisted, that is until that damn Monty kept calling you a pussy and challenging your manhood at the only competition you have left in your life; drinking games. Who does this chump think he is talking to? There is not better beer ponger in the state than you, and you have won the 7-11's-doubles championship 5 parties running. That's it, time to show this sorry excuse for a man who is boss of this place, set em up and crack em boys, you are getting drunk tonight.

The Uncomfortable Drunk: Now this one does not happen to everyone, but it shows itself here and there. The UD happens when you are in a situation that you are really not used to or all that okay with. Maybe you have come to a weird house, with a bunch of people you do not know, and the person you came with has left you on your own at the party. You do not really know what to do, but that 12 pack of Bud Light is getting a little heavy, so you break one open and start drinking, and you keep drinking, all the way through that 12-pack, because we all know that being the weird, quiet guy in the corner is not cool. Being the incredibly drunk and loud guy that no one really knows is a so much better way to get to know people.

The Power Drunk: You have an handle of Captain Morgan in front of you and god damn if the Captain is going to get the upper hand on you tonight. Your one mission this eventful evening is to make it to the bottom of that bottle, that with wipe the smile of that queer ass Captains face. Now there could be a reason for this drinking madness. Maybe it is someone's birthday, or perhaps a wedding. Possibly it is a holiday of some sort. It also could be a "special day." "Special Days" are usually yours and yours alone. You just want to go out and drink until you cannot feel feelings anymore, and you have your reasons for it. Whatever your reason, you have made a promise to yourself to be rip-roaring drunk, and you can't break a promise, even to a-hole like yourself.

Now all these various modes of drunkenability usually end with you deciding at some point you are going to go to bed, and you stagger your way to wherever you decide to lay your head that night and you go out. Sometimes you get a little sick, you might puke in the toilet or off the side of the deck, but it is controlled and not a very big deal. This last example however, it throws control and minimal embarrasment right out the window.

Blackout Drunk: Yup, you have done it. Regardless if it was the Sneaky Drunk or the Power Drunk, if you were alone in your basement or if you were at a party with 276 of your nearest and dearest, you have reached the point of no return…you have offically broken your memory capabilities. You are a dancing machine, who has now talked to every eligible member of the opposite sex at the location. You have drunk dialed your entire cell phone library and now you are telling everyone that story about how you thought the slide was so scary when you were in 2nd grade.
Now, blackout drunk is dangerous, not only because you have no control over your actions, but because all the people around you that will remember what you are doing, will definetly tell you all about it the next morning.
You will wake up the next morning, usually in a room that smells like some sort of bodily function. Maybe you threw up all over your floor, or worse, on the left side of your bed. You possibly got up in the middle of the night and took a huge wizzle in your hamper. Whatever the case, you have no idea how you got where you were, you have no clue as to what you did last night, and worse, when you see all your friends next, they cannot stop laughing at you. You are mortified to know that you did the hustle in front of all those hot chicks that came with Mike's girlfreind. You cannot believe you wore the 30 pack box as a helmet for two hours, all the while challenging various partiers to a joust, American Gladiators style. You are sure it was not you who passed out in the middle of the lawn, right where they were trying to play bocce. But you did, and that is the beauty of "blackout drunk," you were the life of the party and the butt of the jokes without even knowing, and you will continue to be, that is until someone else takes your title as the "drunk jackoff at the party" Wear your crown well.

Now i know there are other styles and faces of drunkeness, but these are the ones that i experience the most, be it me wearing on of these hats or just being an innocent bystander to the demise of someone else's pride and dignity. But now i ask this of you, educated reader, do not judge these drunks, because you never know, you could soon being wearing the crown.