Staff Picks

Friend-Back-Home Speak

by Jake Hurwitz on November 20, 2006

So you’re coming home for break to see a bunch of your buddies that you haven’t seen since the end of August. All of your friends want you to think they have more fun than you, here’s a couple classic lines, as well as the real meaning behind them.

What he says :: What he means

School is crazy man	School has not lived up to my expectations
I banged this really hot chick	I was really drunk, but I vaguely remember sucking this really fat girl’s nipples
We made this vaporizer”	We tried to make a vaporizer, failed, then also couldn’t find any pot on campus
We go out on Mondays like it’s Friday, and dude, Fridays are like this whole new thing all together	I spend a lot of time alone
I have a 4.0	Seriously, I spend a lot of time alone
Dude, my roommate is a psycho	But at least people respect him…
Yeah man, you should see me play Beirut now	I haven’t gotten any better, and people generally don’t let me play

Oh yeah, no one at my school says Beer Pong	And I was teased mercilessly
Yo, the frat I’m pledging, INVENTED flip cup	The frat I’m in lies to its pledges
Hey have you talked to Kristen since we’ve been back?	She broke up with me for no reason
Hey Andrew’s party sucked last night compared to the ones I’ve been to this year	I got blue balls from Andrew’s little sister
I’m going to eat so much Turkey tomorrow dude!	I over eat to compensate for my insecurities
Dude, dude, have you seen Ashley?	She’s fat!
Let’s go to the homecoming game and try to mac Seniors	My penis has been neglected by all human contact besides my own hand
Hey man my parents turned my room into a study	Why does no one love me?
Just like old times man	I’m bored