Schedule for Spending a Day at Home

When you go back to school after Thanksgiving break, people will ask you what you did. You’ll thrust your hands into your pockets and say, “Nuthin.”

“Surely you did something!” they’ll say. No. You did nothing. In fact, your schedule probably looked something like this:

1:30pm – Wake up. Goddamn sun.

1:35pm – Hot Pockets!!!

1:49pm – Hmm… next time you’re gonna heat them up before eating.

2:00pm – Search through digital cable guide to see if anything’s on. The Shawshank Redemption? Just watch that for a couple minutes.

4:00pm – God, you love that movie.

4:05pm – Nap time!

6:03pm – Wake up from your nap as parents arrive home. Quickly change out of your pajamas.

6:05pm – Your dad notices that you are wearing shorts over your pajama bottoms. My God, you’re lazy.

7:00pm – Dust off the old Nintendo. Beat Super Mario Bros. again. This time, no warping.

9:45pm – Forget it. You can warp.

10:00pm – Beat the game. Time to check your e-mail.

11:00pm – Back to the TV. Sweet, an episode of The Daily Show you’ve only seen once!

11:25pm – Oh well, the interview is with some politician. Time to begin your day.

11:45pm – Sneak into Blockbuster just before it closes, much to the dismay of the Blockbuster employees.

11:58pm – Leave Blockbuster with Mallrats, again.

12:15pm – Make self dumber with chemicals, watch Mallrats with remaining home friends.

2:00am – Obtain White Castle.

2:20am – Vow never again to eat at White Castle.

2:25am – Finish the two burgers your friend ordered and didn’t want.

3:00am – Talk about stuff. You know, important stuff.

3:30am – Bedtime!

If you’re looking for something more substantial to do this Thanksgiving break, check out The CollegeHumor Guide to College. Available in any bookstore and only $16 bucks on Amazon! That’s less than a penny a day for your four years of college! We think.