Jake Explains It All

How many times have you skipped out on a study group to stay in your room and jerk off, eat Hostess cupcakes, then jerk off again using the cream filling for lubricant. Even if you haven’t, doesn’t that sound tempting? But there is indeed something better, my friend, something far better. And that is banging the hot chick from your study group. It’s easy.

Show up: Showing up is half the battle. Just by attending the study session the object of your desire knows that you are hard working and goal driven. Show up early and sit next to her. So she knows your goal is her sweet vajay.

Forget your book: Uh-oh! “I left my book in my room,” you’ll say. Don’t let her know that you bought the wrong book and still haven’t exchanged it. Of course she won’t mind that you look on with her. You really need that A, and those double D’s.

Make fun of other people who are trying to learn: Comment loudly about how stupid everyone is, even before they start to talk. If someone isn’t saying anything, talk about how stupid their clothes are. This will make her respect you. That’s when you two decide to leave the lame study session, together.

Frolic through campus: I can’t stress how important it is to frolic, it shows her how care-free life should be. Giggle loudly as you burst out of the library, splash each other playfully by the decorative fountain you should have somewhere on campus. Your frolicking will inevitably lead you to this bookworm’s cute little dorm room, where you begin replacing the “roli” from frolicking with a “u”.

Cheat on your test: Or just fail, it’s not like it matters, you had sex last night.