Nov. 20: Ten underage students were found to be in possession of five kegs of beer. Kegs were shot full of holes and beer was dumped in street due to prohibition law. Police later realized prohibition was abolished in 1933. Police replaced underage student's kegs with new ones and issued an apology.
Nov. 21: Five alpaca were seen in the Arts Center parking lot. Officers arrived and a shoot out ensued. Four alpaca were killed. A fifth escaped on foot. Officers are on the lookout for a domesticated breed of South American camel-like creature resembling a sheep and carrying a gun.
Nov. 21: A student reported his back pack had been stolen. He saw the suspect drive away in a golf cart. Police are on the lookout for a 1975-2006 golf cart.
Nov. 22: While patrolling campus property, an officer observed a person swinging a baseball bat. Officer also observed a man throwing a round object towards the man holding the bat. It was later determined the two men were playing "baseball."
Nov. 24: There was a motor vehicle accident. While Vehicle #1 was exiting lot 249A, Vehicle #2 exited lot 249C and hit the rear passenger door of Vehicle #5. Driver of Vehicle #5 got out of his vehicle and threw a book at Vehicle #3. Vehicle #3 lost control and ran into the front of Vehicle #4. Both Vehicles #1 and #2 saw Vehicle #4 get hit and were distracted. Vehicles #1 and #2 collided head on creating a fireball that engulfed Vehicle #7. Vehicle #7 exploded and pieces of the car set Vehicle #6 on fire. There were no injuries.
Nov. 25: A student at dorm 5A called to report that she had been sexually assaulted. Victim and her boyfriend were playing a "sex game." Victim was found with a mens watch lodged in her vagina and a fire extinguisher lodged in her belly button. Victim says her boyfriend won the game.
Nov. 25: Student slashed his own throat and ran out of his dorm room screaming after opening his new PS3 and finding an Atari Jaguar system in the box. Laughing roommate was taken in for questioning and released. PS3 still missing. If found contact campus police.