Top Home Based Businesses 2007: Middle Eastern Insurgent

It’s not just about the bad-boy anonymity of having your face fully covered by black headgear. Nor is it the heady juxtaposition of Italian designer jeans, soccer shirt, and other Euro-wear, with the genuinely impotent rage not quite meted out from the barrel of your jammed AK-47. Or the adrenaline rush you get from awkwardly handling a rocket launcher while crouching in the middle of a dilapidated urban street, waiting to be obliterated by an American or Israeli tank.

It is, my friend, about one of 2007’s best home based businesses: Middle Eastern Insurgent.

Tired of office drudgery and un-creative work? Looking for more freedom–from your boss, family duties, not to mention Zionist oppression? Do you want action? Are you angry and frustrated–and I mean ready to explode? Do you have a history of suicidal ideation? Then Middle Eastern Insurgent could be the home business for you.

While not always the most lucrative of home based businesses, insurgents we polled spoke extremely highly of job satisfaction. Much of that satisfaction is related to the fact that this business is a no-lose situation: if things go wrong (or right, depending on the mission), you’re a martyr, and that means 72 virgins waiting for you in heaven. And although we worry that even that could get pretty stale after eternity (and what is angel pussy like anyway?), there certainly must be other heavenly rewards. It’s paradise, after all.

On the other hand, if you do well, you could end up doing anything from enjoying a permanent vacation in the caves of Afghanistan to looting the offices of a rival party in the Gaza strip. And did we mention that multiple wives? That’s right–you don’t have to wait to be with God to get laid.

Getting in is easy and there’s little overhead. Your comrades will supply you with AK 47, rocket launcher, and dynamite vest. As for training, Middle Eastern insurgents get to train in some very exotic locations. Buy your “Let’s Go Pakistan” guide right now.

Keep in mind that this home business is not for everyone. For some it will raise ethical considerations. If you’re not ready to kill infidels and if you value your own life, you’re probably better off with our previous highlighted home based business, “Envelope Stuffer.” But if you have what it takes you could make a fortune, have fun, and even end up as the next beret-wearing anti-establishment gun-toting hero on posters covering the wall of almost every college dorm room in the world.