Staff Picks

Jeff Rosenberg

AIM - College Edition

by Jeff Rosenberg on

Let’s face it, AIM is getting outdated. For the last couple years it’s been the same old boring feel. I’ve got some ideas to spark it up a little, make it a bit more “college.”

New Default Away Messages

The old ones were just way too boring:
Default Away Message: I am away from my computer right now.
Playing Game: I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up the whole screen.

I’d like to suggest some more practical ones”

  • J-ing one off in the shower
  • I am not available because I’m a humongous loser and I play full screen video games all day at school
  • Pooping
  • Seeing if it’s humanly possible to give myself head
  • Getting’ shitty wit’ my girlz
  • Procrastinating on YouTube
  • Porn break
  • Writing a paper” NOT! I’M DRINKING hahahaha” soooo college of me

    • New Functions

    Backsies – Have you ever sent something to a girl and regretted it, like 3 seconds later? Well with AIM – College Edition worry no more. The newer version allows to you take back what you just said within a 3 second span. Still don’t get it?

    Exhibit A:

    xxxCutieKatxxx: ur so rad Todd lets stay 2getha 4ever
    oxoRadToddoxo: ur a psycho kat

    oxoRadToddoxo: shit sorry babe I dont mean it

    xxxCutieKatxxx: ur an asshole
    xxxCutieKatxxx signed off

    Exhibit B:

    xxxCutieKatxxx: ur so rad Todd lets stay 2getha 4ever
    oxoRadToddoxo: lets bang

    xxxCutieKatxxx: be there in 5

    See how it works? If you make a stupid mistake, just click the “Backsies” button and all is well.

    CyberGirl

    Remember SmarterChild? Well if you don’t it was this computer robot program that you could talk to and ask anything. It’s loads of fun, but SmarterChild was a little prude. We all have those moments, sitting in front of our computers, bored out of our mind because no one’s online at 3 in the morning. With CyberGirl, cybering has never been more fun than with a computerized central processing unit located on the 7th floor of an industrial complex in Denver, Colorado.

    See More Popular Articles
    Like this Article
    URL Close
    Rosie

    Rosie

    View Profile
    Recent Articles
    More
    uPick
    Work Sucks Awful work stories See All »
    Up +59 Down
    Whiny inmate

    I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning... Read More » when I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.