British History

Chris is studying abroad in London.

Professor Kingsley: Thank you all for coming. This history lecture will cover the years directly following the American Revolution. As it is known, shortly after we won the war, Britain enjoyed a new era of prosperity.

Chris: Excuse me, professor? What do you mean after ‘we’ won the war.

Professor Kingsley: We. The Britons.

Chris: I’m sorry, but don’t you mean after the Americans won the war?

Professor Kingsley: The who?

Chris: The Americans.

Professor Kingsley: Oh, dear me! You must be referring to the colonies. No, of course the filthy colonists were not able to defeat the armies of the British Empire. What rubbish.

Chris: Then why is America free?

Professor Kingsley: Because… we set it free. Moving on, shortly after the failed American Revolution, King George invented the cotton gin, revolutionizing agriculture.

Chris: That isn’t even a little bit  true. Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin.

Professor Kingsley: That’s enough from you. I don’t know what they’ve been teaching you in “America,” but here we teach you what really happened, not some poppycock propaganda.

Chris: But…

Professor Kingsley: Moving on, a few years later Britain’s own Abraham Lincoln made his Emancipation Proclamation, freeing slaves the world over.

Chris: Abraham Lincoln was American.

Professor Kingsley: Excuse me, if you think that you are better equipped to teach this class, you may take your leave.

Chris: Fine, I don’t need to hear this crap.

Chris leaves the room

Professor Kingsley: So, thanks to the Lincoln, Britain was able to remain the world’s number one superpower. Long story short, we put a man on the moon, Winston Churchill killed Hitler, and we fixed global warming. Class dismissed.