105% Issue #28

This header was written using the Windings for Egyptian Hierlogryphs font.

I ate a double-A battery a couple weeks ago and got really sick. I no longer trust expiration dates.

Armchair Deal or No Deal Contestant

"Moron, he should have picked 17."

Famous Speeches Given While Playing Taboo

I have a… at night time, you… doze off… and you think… of … unicorns and… you just… When you go to bed people say "Sweet ____" Right. And it was that one day our children will not be judged by the color of their … largest organ. It's usually … umm… epidermis. Right. But by the content of their… umm… Every play has a main ____. A main _____. Screw it. Pass.

-Amir B.

Unrated Classics

"Where the f*uck are we, Toto?"
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a flying f*ck."
"F*ckin' Rosebud!"

-Patrick Cassels

How to ruin Webster's New World Dictionary for someone

"Zymurgy: (n) the applied chemistry of fermentation processes."

-Kevin Corrigan

"Whose line is it anyway?" asked Drew Carrey.
"The bigger one is mine," said the prostitute.

-Tom Sunnergren

Bad things to say during sex

- It's dark in here…is that your breast or mine?
- Something about sex always reminds me of my uncle.
- Don't worry baby, I'll be finished quicker than you can say, "genital warts."

-Chris Richman

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