This header was written using the Windings for Egyptian Hierlogryphs font.
I ate a double-A battery a couple weeks ago and got really sick. I no longer trust expiration dates.
Armchair Deal or No Deal Contestant
“Moron, he should have picked 17.”Famous Speeches Given While Playing Taboo
I have a… at night time, you… doze off… and you think… of … unicorns and… you just… When you go to bed people say “Sweet ____” Right. And it was that one day our children will not be judged by the color of their … largest organ. It’s usually … umm… epidermis. Right. But by the content of their… umm… Every play has a main ____. A main _____. Screw it. Pass.Unrated Classics
“Where the f*uck are we, Toto?”“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a flying f*ck.”
“F*ckin’ Rosebud!”
How to ruin Webster’s New World Dictionary for someone
“Zymurgy: (n) the applied chemistry of fermentation processes.” “Whose line is it anyway?” asked Drew Carrey.
“The bigger one is mine,” said the prostitute.
“The bigger one is mine,” said the prostitute.
Bad things to say during sex
- It’s dark in here…is that your breast or mine?- Something about sex always reminds me of my uncle.
- Don’t worry baby, I’ll be finished quicker than you can say, “genital warts.”
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Yoga pants so tight, they've become a part of her.
Wow, I guess having 5 blades does make a difference.
"Things Stoners Haven't Turned into Bongs" -- The Shortest Book in the World
Journalists finally revealing some hard-to-face truths
Kate Upton blocks shot of a beautiful sunset
Roommate Contract: (1) I will make your life a living hell.
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Fixed it!
The kind of sports you can expect to see on ESPN17
Oh good, my package came. I've got a big night ahead of me.
