Here's the deal. Blacking out is simple / effective / and fun.
Let's give it a go shall we?
6:38 p.m. Step one:
Gather massive amounts of pre-party materials. These include:
One handle of luxurious Vodka (Winner's Cup for example or any other Vodka that comes in plastic), One liter of Jager (it tastes like black licorice and makes your flatulence smell like Germany), A fifth of 100 proof SoCo, fuck the limes this shit is perfect with ice, purchase 3 or 4 Cubes as well (This is a 30 rack of beer, preferably Natty Ice or Light if your a pussy)
7:43 p.m. Step Two:
Find a convenient place located stumbling distance from a few bars, if only one bar can be reached see step 4.
8:06 p.m. Step Three:
Call up all of your friends that love forgetting the night and girls that have a high probability of sleeping with you in sloppy mode. Don't forget to call up one or two "mom" type chicks that are very light drinkers and have a way with handling people that are completely annihilated. These girls are great at; picking up the cab tab because you "cant find your wallet," and getting you home safely without getting your ass kicked because you think sigma epsilon delta tau's are "a bunch of fucking pussies," convincing yourself that fighting an entire frat is not easy, but while blacking out you have transformed into Joe Frasier
8:44 p.m. Step Four:
Drink like a fish. Consume large amounts of alcohol in no particular order. Utilize several items to expidite this process; beer bongs are ideal, shotgunning for the less prepared and a good old fashioned chugging contest for the inner meat head that lies dormant in all of us. I personally enjoy beginning with Jager because it warms me up when my conscious is cold.
12:17 a.m. Step Five:
Aimlessly fall foot over foot to the bar demanding your drinks to the bartender in your best Scottish accent, which is basically how you will sound at this point in the evening due to the overload of run-ons and incoherent noises that you will claim as "words"
1:52 a.m. Step Six:
Load up on last call drinks, these can be anything from a few more beers to shots which will both inevitably make you hurl
2:28 a.m. Step Seven:
Get lost from group while falling home. Attempt to insult as many random groups of people as possible, screaming obsenities at large groups with a high sausage ratio earns extra points. Piss on the side of
"" burrito joint directly after inhaling food listed by the FDA as "unfit for consumption"
3:16 a.m. Step Eight:
Loose wallet, keys, cell phone and one shoe (preferably the left)
3:18 a.m. Step Nine:
3:28 a.m. Step Ten:
Sing "Piano Man" by Elton John with Willie the homeless guy
3:59 a.m. Step Eleven:
Miraculously find your way to the place you began the night at claiming to everyone that you ended up hooking up with some "hot ass chick" from the bar and left her place after "doing the nasty" because you didn't want her to get "attached"
4:16 a.m. Step Twelve:
Pass out alone on the floor of the bathroom snuggled against the toilet with your shirt off and your boxers inside out and backwards don't ask