Mac Introduces New iSquad Military Equipment

by Maggie MilsteinWar just got a lot more glamorous. Apple CEO and cofounder Steve Jobs recently confirmed that his company will design equipment for the United States military in 2008.

“If we can’t pull out, let’s at least come in style,” said President Bush in his last ditch effort to garner support for the war in Iraq.

The president will have a full-time assistant who will guard his AttackBook, complete with an updated catalogue of global coordinates and nuclear procedures, as well as a built in camera to take “pre-game” pictures.

Government headquarters have been set up in Cupertino, where Apple CFO Peter Oppenheimer is building his “MacHattan Project” in an unnamed underground facility. Confidential sources have released possible test site locations, which include Oakland, Manteca and Fairfield. Oppenheimer won’t release exact details, yet states:

“You know Apple is the most proactive business in the world—we solve problems before ya’ll even know they exist. Iraq may be a shitty prototype, but then again, so was our QuickTake 200 digital camera. We will apply the same philosophy to the government—identify and destroy problems before they even become problems. Sweden won’t know what hit it.”