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Aaron Peever

Open Letter of Complaint to My New Roommate, Who Happens to be a Ghost

by Aaron Peever on

Hey man,
I hope you’re getting settled in alright and like it here in your new dorm. I know that college can be a big adjustment and sometimes it causes people to act a little strange. Over the last week or so I have noticed some behaviour that could be detrimental to us having a good year together as roomies.
First, I’ve noticed that you have been tossing books around our room and ruffling papers everywhere. Now this in itself isn’t really a problem. It’s a cool trick that you do and I am a bit of a fan of the Poltergeist impression, but please, can you clean up the mess afterwards? I don’t want to bring chicks to my room (hopefully) when it looks like a certain ghost threw a hissy-fit in here. Just try to keep it clean is all I’m saying.
Second, when I’m in here with my old girlfriend from high school who I am totally going to break up with before classes start, can you please not hang out “just to watch and maybe get in a quick spook”? We all think the whole walking through walls thing is awesome, but it’s hard for me to keep the mood going when you’re constantly hovering three feet above the bed, pulling back the sheets whispering “What you are doing makes Jesus cry.” As fun as it is having you support me trying to get some, girls don’t really like the idea of another person watching, let alone a ghost.
Finally, when we’re in the common room watching TV, it would be really nice if you could be a little less critical about the movies I want to watch. If I want to throw in the special edition of Casper, I don’t need you pointing out all the inaccuracies. I don’t care if dying isn’t really like being born, but backwards. Don’t tell me. It ruins the magic. Just because you can’t grasp the idea of a ghost who would rather love than scare, doesn’t mean that I can’t too.
Honestly, these are really just some minor things that have been bugging me over the last week. I don’t want to sound like a total buzz-kill here. I just think that it is important for us to respect each other’s boundaries. Aside from those concerns, I think we are going to have a really sweet year together. If you have any questions, or like, want me to pick something up for you (I noticed you were having some trouble with your backpack yesterday) just let me know.
Peace out man,
Harv
P.S. I was thinking that we should throw the raddest Halloween party ever!!! Maybe even with a haunted house theme?!Let me know what you think!
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Aaron Peever

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