Every high school has one; the "police officer" that roams the hallways, scores free donuts from the faculty lounge, and drives the car no other cop on the force would be caught dead in: the D.A.R.E. Cruiser. He's the one who tells you "don't do drugs" but is quick to tell you that the police can't search you without a warrant. Sometimes, he catches you trying to skip class""but you don't hold it against him, it's his job. Overall, he's a great guy to have around" until he quits, goes to California, and lives out his dream of becoming a gay male porn star. That's right, my own Officer Frederick, a guy who I had sign my yearbook, is now "Tyler Riggz #1 Gay Male Porn Star in America". (For real, check it out on the facebook group: Officer Frederick is My Favorite Movie Star!)
Recently, my buddies and I decided to go camping during some time off from school. When we reached the campsite, I was delegated the responsibility of setting up a campfire. After gathering some wood and some matches, I started to take off my clothes. "What the hell are you doing?" asked one of my friends. I explained that I had been taught in the Scouts to always take off my clothes when building a fire so that my clothes don't accidentally ignite. Seeing that they had no idea how to camp, I explained to them the three basics of camping: Build fires in the nude, sleep in the same sleeping bag in the nude, and check each other for testicular cancer often. After an eye-raising discussion, I realized that maybe my Boy Scout leader wasn't exactly the straightest ruler in the shop.
If you were on Room Raiders and you had a chance to look at my roommate's side of the room, you probably wouldn't find anything out of the ordinary. A big red bean bag, a microwave, a TV, a giant Avril Lavigne poster, a rug" wait, a giant Avril Lavigne poster? WTF? Ok, perhaps he's a little eccentric. That's not too big a deal, let's check his closet. Hmm" here's some t-shirts, some khaki pants, some jeans""no wait, jean shorts? CARGO jean shorts? Do they even make cargo jean shorts in America? Perhaps they came from Canada with a free Avril Lavigne poster. Either way, this means one of two things: he has no desire to be with women OR he uses his cargo jean shorts as a conversation starter with other dudes. "I'm tellin' you man, these shorts come in real handy, you know, like when you're camping. Wanna go camping some time?"
What a character this guy is. He's always like, "OMG, you have gots to hear this song. It has been going Krazy with capital "K" through my brain like all day. It's def one of my faves, but it's totes inapprops, so it won't be on the radio any time soon. Come here, I'll listen with this earbud, you listen with the other". His pink iPod is a little ridiculous, but it goes so well with the pink sweater I got him from Abercrombie (40% off on sale, but don't tell him that!) Sometimes he gets on my nerves, but we figured out a great way to release our negative energy during a conflict. Basically we hug each other and talk out our differences. No matter how mad we get, neither of us can let go until we have reached a compromise. Sometimes we get a little sweaty in the process, but that's nothing a little double bubble bath can't fix! He is beyond a doubt as gay as they come.