College is great, but high school prom was a great experience, wasn’t it? Well you can relive it if you want! Just follow these simple steps and when prom season rolls around in about 9 months, consider yourself there.
Know a high school Junior or Senior
This is very important because these people are the only ones who can invite a college student to attend a high school prom. The best way to get to know a junior or senior is to have a friend who has a younger sibling that fits the bill.If you are unlucky enough not to have a friend with such a sibling, then your best bet is to hang out in high school parking lots and offer to buy kids alcohol until you make a new little friend who thinks you are cool because you tell college stories and don’t have a curfew.
Make sure the target isn’t TOO hot.
The hottest people are always going to have normal prom dates and won’t want to take a creepy college kid to their prom. You have to find a target that is good looking enough to have sex with afterwards, but not so good looking that they have no use for an old weirdo since they can easily take someone their own age. Here’s a tip: Shoot for someone that looks kind of like Kirstin Dunst, but less attractive.
Tell the target that you didn’t go to your high school prom.
This is most likely a lie because only complete losers don’t go to their high school prom. Prom kicks ass! Why else would you want to go back, besides the bonus “getting to be creepy” factor? But if you do fall into the complete losers category, it’s probably a really stupid reason why you didn’t go so you should definitely make up a reason for why you couldn’t go to your prom. Try this line: “I couldn’t go to prom because my mom was going into surgery to have cancer removed. She’s ok now, but she says knowing that I was there for her when she woke up in the hospital gave her the strength to make it through.”
Convince the target to ask you to prom
If that story about your mom’s courageous struggle with cancer and how you helped her survive didn’t prompt an invite, make sure to keep bringing up the subject of prom and to completely trash any potential dates the target might be thinking about. Making up stories about people having a heroin addiction or rumors of going to community college after graduation are not out of the question. All is fair in love and prom.
Go to Prom!
Now you can go to prom again and do it right by having sex with your date this time. Saving yourself for marriage is so stupid. You hear that, Lisa?!