Everyone knows about Pre-Menstrual Syndrome in women.  A week or so before menstruation, something gets fucked up with a woman's hormones, and a series of unfortunate changes envelop her, similar to the werewolf under a full moon. 

     Scientists now have discovered a similar syndrome in members of the opposite sex.  Men have been experiencing Pre-Masturbation Syndrome for years, but its scientific qualities have not been understood until most recently.  Below is a chart depicting some of the similarites between the two syndromes.

 

Symptom	Female PMS	Male PMS
Anger	Hormones aren't working	Internet isn't working
Crying	occurs at random intervals	usually only after self-stimulation, unless tears needed for lubricant
Stomach Cramps	caused by contracting muscles in the fallopian tubes	a plea for help from tired testicles before 9th man-to-hand session this week
Nausea	probably from aforementioned cramps	definitely from trying to watch that new Screech porno
Paranoid	about current relationships	about the return of his roommate
Blood loss prevention	tampon or pad for vaginal discharge	wristband for cut marks, you pathetic, lonely, emo freak.

I hope this chart answers any questions you may have had about Pre-Masturbation Syndrome and its relationship to the other PMS.  Guys, it's ok to talk about it now.  But I wouldn't.