Matt Sullivan

Replaceable: Rewriting Beyonce's Poetry

Beyonce has a number #1 hit with her searing, soaring ballad “Irreplaceable.” Unfortunately, the song fails to achieve classic status because of one clumsy couplet: “I could have another you in a minute/Matter fact, he’ll be here in a minute.” C’mon, B—rhyming “minute” with “minute!?” We’ve come to expect more from the poet who added the word “bootilicious” to the English language. (Maybe boyfriend Jay-Z refused to help her come up with a rhyme because he thought the song was about him.) Fortunately, the lyric is well, replaceable. Here are our suggested substitutes for varying the violating verse:

“I could have another you in a minute…”


  • “And I’ll find a publicist who can spin it”
  • “You have exceeded the allotted time limit”
  • “Matter fact, Lil’ Wayne’s already halfway up in it”
  • “See this booty? You can no longer rim it”
  • “Damn, I hope Jennifer Hudson doesn’t win it”
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I work as an it-wizzard (according to the it-illeterate) at a big company. Some day I was reading about left-turning barteria on a carton of yogurt. That moment my boss walked in and asked me if it was possible to get information out of an specific database. It was one of those days that I had all the work I could handle so I answered: No, thats not possible because we only... Read More » have right-turning disks in the server where the database was. He looked at me, a little insecure, siad "oh, ok" and walked off. It still puts a smile on my face.