Employed Friends vs. Unemployed Friends
| Only calls at four in the morning in a dire emergency | Only calls at four in the morning to see if you wanna go on a burrito run |
| Voicemail is recorded in a professional manner | Voicemail is recorded by holding phone up to computer speakers playing “Get Low” |
| Can’t go out to the bars because he has a lot of work | Can’t go out to the bars because he has a big Halo tournament |
| Lunch break is fifteen minutes long, consisting of eating a ham sandwich he prepared at home | Lunch consists of him asking me over and over again, “Yo let me get one of those fries?” |
| Can’t do drugs because of company’s strict no-drug policy | Must do drugs to be good at Ultimate frisbee |
| Saving money to go to business school | Saving change in the couch for Scooby Doo trapper keeper |
| Looking to settle down with a family in the near future | Looking on eBay for good prices on slightly-used Fleshlights |
| Feels uneasy about his filing status on his taxes. | Feels uneasy about next level in Zelda. Seriously, it’s getting intense |
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