Can I Just Get My Shirt Back?

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

I know we ended things on a bit of a bad note the other week and I understand that we’ve gone out separate ways and all, but I really need to talk to you about something really important. I’m not going to beg you to take me back or anything. I know we’re through. I’m cool with that. I’m fine. Whatever.

Remember when you stayed over my place last semester after you went drinking with “the girls”? I think that was the same night you cheated on me. Well, when you slept over I let you borrow my ’92 Phish Tour shirt to sleep in ‘cause it’s really soft and comfortable and you puked all over your shirt. It’s fine. We’re cool. I just want the shirt back, cool?

I’ve had Phishy for as long as I can remember and I really really love it…much like I once loved you. I love it so much. I know things have been a little shaky since that messy break-up – - me calling you drunk at 3 a.m. on that Tuesday before your Chem final, starting that facebook group, but that’s neither here nor there. Let’s let bygones be bygones. Water under the bridge. Tomato tomato.

I hope we can just be civil about this. Let’s please not act like your divorced parents that you always used to complain about and show a little respect towards one another, okay? I don’t think that’s too much to ask for, do you?

So if I could just stop by your place sometime tomorrow that’d be cool or if you just want to send it to me that’d work too. S&H shouldn’t be too much. You owe me a lot for movies and dinners and stuff.

Love you always baby,

Jeffy Poo