Three Pranks with a Vacuum Cleaner

Most dorms and frat houses have an old vacuum cleaner lying around. Want to learn how to use this as a weapon against those you live with? Read on!

1. V-Bagging – Remove the bag on the vacuum and slice it open like a popcorn bag. You now possess an excellent and innovative way to antique someone. Flour may be degrading, but the stuff from a vacuum bag? Now that’s just gross.

2. Train Time – This prank works best when the vacuum has a light on the front of it. Sneak up upon a sleeping person and poise the vacuum at their feet. Quietly begin to whisper into the person’s ear. Phrases like “watch out for the train” or “here comes the train” or even “get out of the way, it’s a train” work best. Do this for a minute or so with increasing urgency and then, at the top of your lungs, scream “TRAIN!” and turn the vacuum cleaner on. Works best on heavy sleepers, sleeping drunks or people who have lost loved ones to train accidents.

3. Chinese Vacuum Torture – This prank requires the most work but has by far the best payoff. First, remove the ON/OFF switch from the vacuum and tie the two wires together (so the vacuum is always “ON”). Don’t do this while the vacuum is plugged in or you will kill yourself. Reattach the switch so the vacuum looks normal. Tie a large knot in the power chord somewhat near the vacuum itself. Place the vacuum in the room of the intended victim with the power chord leading out under the door. Make sure the knot is on the outside of the door. Secure the door (penny locking works beautifully) so the victim is unable to escape. Now, plug in the vacuum and laugh as your target wakes up, flips out, tries to turn off the vacuum, tries to open his door, tries to yank the chord out of the wall and ultimately tries to kill himself. Turn the vacuum off after a little bit and let them fall back to sleep. Repeat. Works best on the creepy guy in the single down the hall or your RA.