I Will Make Fun Of Your Campus: Indiana University Edition

Note: The point of this column is to show that every school has its foibles. If you are offended by its content, you probably don’t understand the word “foibles.”

I have been to Bloomington more than any other college town, and list it amongst my favorite places. It is a place that nurtures art and free thought and cultural advancement. And what’s more important, you do it all totally wasted. And thus, a very special beer edition of “I Will Make Fun of Your Campus.”

Like many IU students, I’ve been to almost every bar in Bloomington. The only difference is I took time off in between.

There’s Nick’s, where I learned to play “Sink the Biz,” a drinking game actually based on a historical event. How’s that for combining academia and alcoholism. I’m surprised you don’t play Beirut on a blown up map of Lebanon.

Then there’s The Upstairs, a bar with a very creative and hipster clientele getting so wasted that they physically damage furniture, pool cues, and each other. It’s where those who create art go to destroy it. By the way, thick black glasses are only cool if you have actual lenses in them.

Of course there’s both Kilroy’s – bars so full of faux-preppies that a pink polo shirt is almost required with your ID (the picture on which, by the way, doesn’t have to look like you). Okay meatheads, I get it – you want girls to think you’re not homophobic. Of course, a better idea than a pink shirt would be to stop hating gay people. Just throwing it out there.

And I’d be remiss not to mention Bear’s Place, one of the best comedy clubs in the country. The drink of choice there is a Hairy Bear, aptly named because it contains enough alcohol to kill an actual bear. I’ve had some of the best crowds in my life there. And some of the worst, drunken hecklers, too. Guess which ones had the Hairy Bear.

There are plenty of other bars, but I can’t get to all of them because I don’t have the space. Also, I can’t remember some of them because I was too busy learning about Lebanon.

Thanks for having me. Go Hoosiers!