Why does everybody listen to ugly people?George Washington was ugly.Malcom X was ugly.Condaleeza Rice is really ugly.Why do we listen to ugly people?They probably don’t even look in the mirror before they go out.If I went to a job interview with wooden teeth and a curly white wig, I’m pretty sure nobody would listen to me.What if I walked into the bookstore in an ugly white toga, hardly being able to stand, and smelling really rank?It worked for Gandhi.And he was anorexic.How come it’s okay for Gandhi to be anorexic but if I skip breakfast a few times my friends stage an intervention and send me to a therapist?Also he went to jail.Well, so did my ex-boyfriend, but nobody listens to him.Oh, and Hitler?He was hella ugly.He could only grow part of a moustache.And he spoke German.And he got a bunch of pretty people to hate Jews because he said they were ugly.Um, well, look at him!I don’t think he even washed his hair.I think I’m more qualified to tell people who’s ugly than Hitler is.

Napoleon was short.Like, really short.Plus he was ugly.You know why he was so angry all the time?Nobody’s gonna date a guy who’s under 5’5”.Okay, well, if I was as ugly as Napoleon, I’d probably get upset and kill some people too.

George W. Bush—ugly.Televangelists—ugly.Barbara Walters—beyond ugly.Maybe if Jessica Simpson got ugly people would start taking her seriously.Well, but then she’d be ugly.And that’s just gross.