Cust: The customer calls in screaming profanities
You: I am sorry Mam, I don’t speak Nazi
Cust: Why can’t you find that info.
You: Mam, I don’t even have a computer. I am the janitor and I’m snaking the toilet as we speak. How did you get my cell number?
Cust: Why can’t you reissue my credit card?
You: Right now with your credit scores we can only lend you a half eaten sandwich and a diet caffeine free soda.
Cust: Why do I have to identify all that personal info?
You: So the terrorists listening on the other line can write it down
Cust: I have had my account open for 5 days can I get a credit limit increase
You: No, but here is the keys to my car and a golden pony, anything else I can help you with. Maybe a backrub?
Cust: Why is your website so difficult?
You: Because it is used for CIA training. Congratulations you have been accepted into the program. An unmarked car will be there to pick you up in an hour?
Cust: Why can’t you find my account, just by my first name alone
You: I am sorry Mam, we do not live inside the Matrix
Cust: I would like to speak to a manger now!
You: I would like to kick the nightlight and stop wetting the bed. But we both need to stop shooting for the stars and come down to reality.
Cust: Why can’t you quote me a payoff?
You: Because I didn’t pass eight grade math. I also have a learning disability with severe ADD and I am currently jacked up on mountain dew
Cust: Wow, you have a large hold time today.
You: We always do on waterslide Wednesday. I bet I’ve swallowed a gallon of water today
Cust: Were do I find the bank routing number
You: Well, their should be a map under your chair. It will lead you. You will first hike thru Goblin canyon, you will raft down Crocodile River, then you should reach a cave and inside you will find a dancing leprechaun after you solve his riddle you will get that info. Good luck and Godspeed.
The 25 Best Sitcom Couples
15 Phrases You'll Hear During Finals Week, and What They Really Mean
Every Time a Bell Rings
Drinking Games for the Mature Adult
The Absolute Worst Case Scenario Handbook: Holiday Shopping Edition
The 10 Ornaments on Your Christmas Tree
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
