my job should be a movie

so i work at an ihop in cincinnati…first of all ihop doesnt exactly attract the most intelligent individuals as a workforce…secondly  this ihop is located in cincinnati, which has some rather ghetto areas….thirdly i may, as a lowly sophomore, have a higher IQ than half of this particular ihop staff combined…but im not ragging on them, just showing my love in the form of humor.

second shift at ihop might as well be a sequel to the movie waiting…because some weird shit goes down during those eight hours. heres a little preview of my first few weeks at ihop:
1) I found out i got hired because i have “killer hips” (as told me me by the manager…thanks…)
2) this is also the guy who has 2 charges of sexual harrasment….
3)this is also the guy that poured ice down my shirt hoping for some reaction to the cold…
4) oh and last but not least, he explained to me that although he is 36 he prefers 18 year olds because they have less baggage….(“are you legal??”)
5) i have never met a group of employees that smoke more pot in eight hours than these guys do…no wonder they still work at ihop…the whole point of making a few tips is to get a joint….
6) i get nice little whispered messages in my ear from fellow male (i wish i could pour syrup all over you, can you make your ass clap? try it!!!, you must have a freaky side-i just know it) and so on…
7) my new best friends are a 46 year old lady who gets paid in sausage and bacon to drive the cooks home, an ageless black guy who has no bottom teeth and a 16 year old freak who shows me pictures of his privates on his cell phone…
8) males tend to leave more tips if you accidently drop some napkins and bend over while leaving their table,..
9) you can get cashed out faster by the manager if you have sex with him after work…(i didnt learn this from experience mind you but by word of mouth)
10) i am afraid of 5 foot tall mexican guys because they control the quality of the food i serve
11) if i have children i will never take them out to eat.
12) dont put tabasco sauce in your apron….mine poured out, covered my apron and pants, and i smelled of hot sauce the rest of the day…tips from black males increased by 26% on that same day
13)you should work at ihop
14) althought my shirt my appear tidy…i actually have four feet of shirt tucked into my pants…
15) if you work at ihop,.. you dont eat at ihop…

SO I ENCOURAGE all you servers….work at ihop…entertainment will ensue…