What I know about you from your Jukebox Selection

You can tell a lot about a person by the song he or she pays fifty cents to play in your local college bars.  Here’s a few that everyone should know:

1) If you play “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry…

Then you are a sorority girl who fancies herself a “crazy bitch” because you drank two long islands and had a shot of vodka tonight and one time on spring break you were really close to entering a wet T-shirt contest.  You also think that you “fuck so good” because you totally just gave a hand job to some dude in the bathroom.

2) If you play “Come Sail Away” by Styx…

Then you have a false sense of just how ironic you actually are.  You think this song is hilarious, but can’t explain why and you regret playing it after the fifth minute when people around you start trashing it.  You eventually join them in their ripping of you.

3) If you play Any song by Bob Marley AND you think the lyrics relate to you…*

Then you are a middle class white guy who thinks the song “Get up, Stand up” applied to when you challenged your grade in Philosophy 210 sophmore year.

4) If you play damn near any Nickleback song**

Then you think that you are in love with your current and only girlfriend ever and are psyched because it’s Saturday night and she might let you touch her boobs if she’s drunk enough.  You have no balls.

5) If you play “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilara

Then you are ugly.

6) If you play “Fell in love with a girl” by The White Stripes

Then you actually like good music, but don’t want to play anything that will piss off everyone else in the bar.  Next time grow some plumbs and play “Ball and Biscuit.”

7) If you play “The End” by The Doors

Then you are crying out for help  that you’re about ready to commit suicide and decide to let everyone know through this song on $1 draft Wednesdays. Next time try a note, douchebag.

So there you go, you don’t need a personality test.  Just let me know what song you play on the jukebox and I’ll tell you exactly who you are.

*If you play Bob Marley just because it’s good tunes then that is always acceptable and welcome.

**If you play that one that starts “I like your pants around your feet…” then you have repressed homosexual S&M fantasies.