I hate your favorite TV shows.

 So today I decided to watch some ABC Family while my roommates were all off at class. Much to my surprise, Boy Meets World continues to live on in syndication on this channel. I was a fan when I was younger so I thought I would give it a try. In this episode Shawn tried to drag Corey out to what looked like a new restaurant that was trying to blur the lines between Hooters and a strip club. You know what I’m talking about. It was as if they were alluding to the fact that they were in a strip club but Disney made them water it down to the point that it was just a bad version of Hooters.

Anyway… Corey is now a freshman in college and is inexplicably engaged to Topanga. He lives with Shawn and Shawn has made new friends who don’t accept Corey because he’s a little bitch. He goes to this club and gets hit on by some tip-hungry hussy. This was enough to bring the man out of him — or so we thought. After a few minutes of his beta male bullshit, he is busy hiding his whereabouts from Topanga while looking for the engagement ring (that HE wears) that he lost in the club. In the end, our blubbery homo of a protagonist confesses his night of “debauchery” to a disappointed Topanga. She forgives him and all is wrapped up in a tight little 30-minute span.

Perhaps the rest of you were ready for this plot. I was not. There was a time when I could identify with Corey Matthews. Back when he was a 6th grader, we could have easily been the same person. We loved baseball, were true to our boys, hated teachers, had an annoying younger sibling and had no clue what to do with girls. Since then we’ve both grown. Unfortunately, Corey grew into a shell of a man. Not once in that episode did I hear a Phillies reference. Why? Because Topanga took over his life. What happened to the kid who took risks and thumbed his nose at authority? What happened to the headstrong kid who would have no problem stepping to the plate when someone bullied Shawn? All I know is that before long, Corey was soft, hanging out with Mr. Feeney, writing bad poetry to Topanga and talking to Morgan about becoming a woman.

I blame Disney. They make everything watered down and sanctimonious. They also have to have the obligatory “let’s go visit Disney World and have the greatest time of our lives” episode. Corey could have gone either way. He could have been like me and continued to love sports, enjoy having a good time and have no problem telling a group of southerners that he had no fear of pain or jail time and that he would kill them in front of the bar in front of a crowd of people… or he could dedicate his life to all things Topanga, somehow age 2 years while in High School and periodically lose his engagement ring when he was washing the dishes or changing his tampon. I guess they chose the latter.