The On-Campus Larpers: A Poem

The dragon’s fire burned as the warriors fought
fresh from the feast of the lunch that they had bought
“These broadswords are steel, they’re real,” they thought
though battle with dragons is a glory hard wrought

From the dining hall come four men walking our way
they appear ill-prepared for this dragon we’ll slay
we’ll war and we’ll fight and we’ll duel with swordplay
even though these four frat boys have declared us all gay

“Hey faggots, nice weapons, nice hat, and nice face,”
they yelled as I readied my PVC mace
Sir Gargsworth moved with me, we attacked with great haste
as wiffleball bats sailed right for their waists

The battle was neither long, nor epic, you see
For they must have had far greater hit-points than me
If I had ten more strength I’d break ropes and be free
but until I get leveled I’m tied to this tree

Tied down, beaten, they drew cocks on my friends
Yes, we’re level eleven but we deserve to be ten
I know this is college, but why can’t we pretend
We are not the gays, we LARP, and we’re men.