Clarissa: Ugh, two tests tomorrow and I haven’t done any of my chores. What am I gonna do?
A ladder is set against her window.
Clarissa: Hey, Sam. (Guitar riff!)
Thief: Where’s your money?
Clarissa: Who are you?
Thief: I’m a guy who saw an open window and a ladder, and has three sons to feed.
Clarissa: I only get twelve dollars allowance!
Knocks
Clarissa: Ugh, buzz off, Ferg Face!
Ferguson: (entering) Give me back the computer game you borro-
Gunshot
Ferguson: You shot me in the knees!
Thief: (leaving) Was it me? Or was it our f***ed up society?
Ladder
Clarissa: Hey, Sam. (Guitar riff!)
Murderer: Sam is dead. I’m a serial killer that preys on innocence and naivete. Between the open window and the ladder, it’s like you stepped out of one of my dark, twisted dreams.
Knocks
Clarissa: Not now, Mom. Ugh!
Marshall and Janet Darling: (entering) We heard a racket and thought –
The murderer shoots Mr. Darling in the head. He tosses a second gun to Ferguson.
Murderer: Execute your mother, and I’ll spare you.
Ferguson: (crying) I can’t do it!
The murderer shoots Ferguson and Mrs. Darling, then leaves.
Clarissa: Ugh, now my bed is so gross.
Ladder
Clarissa: Hey, Sam. (Guitar riff!)
Sam: Hey.
Clarissa: I thought you were dead?
Sam: I’m bleeding out. I’ve only got a few minutes left. Hide this blow over there in the sandbox with the baby alligator.
Ladder
Clarissa: Hey, Sam. (Guitar riff!)
Sam: I’m already here. That’s a rapist.
Rapist: Even a screen would have bought you some time.
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Search and Siezure
When I was 16, I was walking home one night from my girlfriend's (at the time) like any other night. Now, as a teen, I had a shaved head, but that's as far as it goes for me looking like "a bad ass". I was super straight edge. I got to the corner across the street from my apartment, and I was waiting patiently at the light to cross, when all of a sudden I hear the... Read More »




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