A guy and a girl lifeguard sit atop their high wooden chair.
Guy: I’m particularly handsome this afternoon.
Girl: And I’m particularly beautiful.
Guy: Did you know I’m the star of the swim team? I have six all-county medals, one for each of my abs.
Girl: Your sunblock-covered nose makes me want to tear off this red one-piece and ride you like a wave.
Guy: All in good time.
Girl: Want to take these kayaks out for a spin, to look impressive?
Guy: When I’m done.
Girl: Done doing what?
Guy: Spinning this keychain around my finger exactly 314 times.
Girl: I should yell at that huge Mexican family with the loud boombox, but I feel like it will affect my tan.
Guy: Three kids were pulled into the riptide this morning while I was arranging the rescue floats around this chair.
Girl: They’re so f***ing symmetrical. Let’s go down on each other later.
Guy: I have the stamina of a mountain lion.
Girl: Look like we’re paying attention on “three.” 1, 2, 3.
Both lifeguards stand up, blow their whistles, and wave their arms arbitrarily.
Guy: 312, 313… 314.
Girl: Kayak time.
Guy: I’m particularly handsome this afternoon.
Girl: And I’m particularly beautiful.
Guy: Did you know I’m the star of the swim team? I have six all-county medals, one for each of my abs.
Girl: Your sunblock-covered nose makes me want to tear off this red one-piece and ride you like a wave.
Guy: All in good time.
Girl: Want to take these kayaks out for a spin, to look impressive?
Guy: When I’m done.
Girl: Done doing what?
Guy: Spinning this keychain around my finger exactly 314 times.
Girl: I should yell at that huge Mexican family with the loud boombox, but I feel like it will affect my tan.
Guy: Three kids were pulled into the riptide this morning while I was arranging the rescue floats around this chair.
Girl: They’re so f***ing symmetrical. Let’s go down on each other later.
Guy: I have the stamina of a mountain lion.
Girl: Look like we’re paying attention on “three.” 1, 2, 3.
Both lifeguards stand up, blow their whistles, and wave their arms arbitrarily.
Guy: 312, 313… 314.
Girl: Kayak time.
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I work as an it-wizzard (according to the it-illeterate) at a big company. Some day I was reading about left-turning barteria on a carton of yogurt. That moment my boss walked in and asked me if it was possible to get information out of an specific database. It was one of those days that I had all the work I could handle so I answered: No, thats not possible because we only... Read More »




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