The Classic FInish

We’ve all played most of these games throughout our childhood, but they always seem to end the same way. Let’s take a look back at board, video and just regular games and how they usually end…

Scrabble – Fwip, fwip, fwip, fwip…BOOOM! – That’s the sound of a dictionary flying across a room and hitting the wall on the other side. Yep, you just took the collective English language and hurled it because you cannot believe “Phandangled” is not a word. F*ck you, Dad. I’m going to bed.

Mario Cart 64 – Well, well, well, what a surprise. Mike, who picked Donkey Kong somehow got 6 lightning bolts, 5 blue death shells and a seemingly endless supply of red shells to come from behind and win the race. What the hell did I get the entire time I was in 1st? Oh, a useless banana and a mildly retarded green shell that came back and hit me? Thanks weapon selecting gods – that was real nice of you. While Mike was trying to figure out the slowest route through Yoshi Canyon, I found a solid one almost immediately. This sucks, I’m going to bed.

Goldeneye – What a shocker, you had a PP7 and I had two Klobs and yet I managed not only to die, but to only hit you once. I might as well have not been shooting. I think one of my bullets may have come back and killed me. Honestly, I think the wall behind you had your outline perfectly created by my POS Klob bullets. I thought we said no Odd Job. That’s straight up cheating, son. I couldn’t even see you. This is total crap. I hate James Bond. I’m going to bed.

TV Tag – Bob, he yelled “Rocko’s Modern Life” like 15 minutes ago. Seriously, you’re it man. No, he definitely did. What the f*ck? Are you kidding me? Ok, Stan, didn’t you use “Rocko’s Modern Life” already? No? You’re a liar, and you’re overweight.. I remember, you were right over there and said “Rocko’s Modern Life.” I remember because I thought that was such a good show. Damnit Bob, just be a man and admit you doubled up. Oh really, how about I use “My Dukes of Hazard” to send you to the “House of Payne.” Get it – it means I’m going to kick your ass. Forget this. I’m going to bed. I don’t care if it’s 4 PM.

Risk – What the hell, 20 minutes ago you were cornered in your Australian stronghold begging for mercy. Now All I have is part of Africa and Greenland. Where did you get all those extra troops from Tommy? Oh, ‘trading in your cards’? How convenient! I’m going to kill you. You think just because you’re 7 I won’t assault you? Ok, 1-2-3, roll. WHAT?! I LOST GREENLAND! THIS IS TOTAL CRAP! Are these die fixed. I bet they are. No dinner for you tonight, Hitler. I’m going to bed.