Business Time Calculator

M= Number of Guys

W = Number of Women

A = How good you’re looking

B = Number of sources of alcohol

D = Distance from party to your place

J = Mad beats being dropped (% wise)

X = Chance you’ll get play

We start with a general overview. The basic start is simple: Girls divided by guys or

W/M= X

Now as we all know, women are not always forthcoming about having a boyfriend already so we have to build in a sleeper factor which we’ll just say is 50% so now we’re at

.5W/M = X Thats a coin flip. Pretty good so far……

As much as we like to believe women enjoy the “just got out of bed” slacker look, studies have proven that simple things like hygiene and being able to dress ones self can go very far in finding a mate so we’ll add in a “flyness” clause based on a 100% gradient scale.

(.5W/M)*A =X If you put in some effort, you’re in good shape

Next we come to our old friend alcohol. As the animal kingdom has shown us, a predator is more likely to find a meal near a watering-hole. We’ll use this behavioral constant and apply it to the “kegger” situation.

(.5W/M)*AB = X *As a side note, there must be at least one source of “refreshment” otherwise get ready for a long winter

Unless you don’t mind making PDA’s, you’ll probably want to finish the evening at a more private location. While this could apply to the bathroom of the house you’re at, lets say we’re not 15 anymore and we have our own apartments. The distance between the party and your place is a CRUCIAL step in this equation. Take 10% of your mileage and subtract it from your current total.

(.5W/M)*AB – .1D= X *If you’re apartment is over 10 miles, you’re flying solo my friend. If you’re hosting the party, KA-CHING! You earned a bonus 10% chance for a unique coolness situation.

Alright we’ve covered distance, competition, and supply. Now we need to tackle the atmosphere. It can get a little tricky here. If the party is bumping, it provides a good atmosphere for chemistry (we’re going to stick to math today, chem will be first thing tomorrow). If the party is lame however, you have two paths to choose between. Either its so lame that you can’t get anything or its so lame that a girl will want to leave by any means necessary. We’ll take how rocking the party is on a 100% scale and if it is below 10% double the number ( i.e. 9% rocking = 18% variable.)

(.5W/M)*AB – .1D)J= X

I know this looks a little daunting but we’re not through quite yet so put down the funnel. According to infallible scientific research, every person is connected through a maximum of seven people. We’ll add this as a bonus final constant to boost our chances that on some off chance we do in fact know “Jen” from my school and now we have something in common.

(.5W/M)*AB – .1D)*J + .14 = X

And there we have it. As I am a visual learner, lets put this into a real life scenario.

Party:

20 girls

30 guys

2 Kegs

80% looks (had a late night)

2 miles to my house

70% (Was going well until the thong song)

So Lets plug it in:

((.5*20)/30) * (.8*2) – .1*(2) = 33% so far, beats senior prom chances

.33 * .7 +.14 = 37.3%!

Oh man. Its not the best party ever but I think that girl talking to the meat-head in the flat brimmed yankees hat is looking for an out. Hey baby, I’m a finance/music major. Want to come listen to one of my songs?……

*The Business Time Equation is not fool proof. It does not take into consideration: projectile vomiting, gossipy girls, police raids, band members, jagermeister, ex-boyfriends, or any form of religion. Use at your own risk. Results may vary from person to person. Percentage obtained is used for successful hook-ups, not as a level of hook-up reached i.e. 25% does not equal 1st base. Must be taken with alcohol